This week, we discussed favorite heroines. Today, one of the Randoms had a random interview with her current heroine. This is how it went:
Susan (author): Callie, I want to throw you under the next big rig I see streaming past me on the highway. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t want you to die. I just want you to get horribly maimed so that some plastic surgeon gives you a new face. Oh, and I want you to get amnesia, too, so that you develop a better personality. Do you think you’re up to it?
Callie (character): Maybe you should throw yourself under a semi, you b—-
Susan (author) interrupts: Callie, you say you’re a brain. But you don’t seem to do too well with people. Why didn’t you read any books on how to win friends, influence people, and keep yourself from getting cornered in the girls’ bathroom?
Callie (character): You’re going to have me get cornered in the girls’ bathroom? When did you decide this? I deserve a better writer to write my story.
Susan (author): Well, you’ve been difficult. And you didn’t answer my question. How’d you go through life with so little common sense?
Callie (character): What’s your definition of common sense? I look both ways before crossing the street, I floss my teeth every night, I don’t pick my pimples.
Susan (author): TMI there, Callie. And what I mean by not having common sense had to do with you going and spraypainting a cop car parked in front of a police station. That doesn’t seem so smart.
Callie (character): I have my reasons. And they make sense to me. They’ll make sense to you, too, if you let me survive the girls’ bathroom.
Susan (author): You’ll survive. Under her breath, she adds: But you’ll wish you hadn’t.
Next week, we’ll go back to our regularly scheduled interviews. Callie has threatened Susan with bodily harm and writer’s block if she does not.